My Many Shades of Black
So as I embrace my singleness and free spirited newly reformed life, I decided to hop on my own journey of many shade of black as I keenly decided to name this series of a single woman love adventures. Well maybe I should start by introducing myself my name is Mattie and I’m a Public Relations Professional that works for myself at What Matters PR. Now 35 years old this is the first time I’ve ever been single… well not attached to someone else as I like to call it. I walked out of a 13 year marriage, 1 because we cheated, 2 because he had a child not with me, and 3 because he wasn’t the one for me and we both knew it we were just scared to leave each other after all we were middle school sweethearts who grow together. Our families we like one, our friends were one in the same, I mean every inch of our lives were intertwined in some shape or form. We were extremely comfortable we owned property together, stocks, bonds, he was truly my best friend, but we were more like best friends than husband and wife. Our daily route was just that things we felt we should do simply because you ought-to. None of us had the balls to live each other, what would our family say, I mean we had other couples modeling their relationships of off our “perfect” union. We communicated extremely well I could almost finish his sentences. He was a beauty to the eyes, gorgeous 5ft 9 caramel greenish gray eye’s chiseled body, just perfect physically in every way. He was a heartthrob and we were a beautiful couple. What can I say, there was still something missing. But the world of dating wasn’t new to him or me since we’ve cheated on each other the last 6 years of our marriage, I can say I’ve had my share of relationships and I was truly not new to the man eat woman game of life. Except for the fact that men never really mattered much to me because they were all temporary fills, or simpler put they were for my enjoyment only, after all I was taken!
So, now that I’m single I promised myself that I would
not settle for less than what was perfect for me. And the next time I get
married if ever it will be for all the right reasons. Dam it if I’m going to do
it again I’m going to do it right.
Ok now back to the world of Many Shade of Black a single
woman dating adventure series… uncensored… nonjudgmental… and simply just my
life my opinions.
Mr. Big
So newly single, fresh of the train, I was working at an
event for one of my clients in. Hot summer day, in Chicago heated yet slightly windy
city. I had on my black tights, comfy off the shoulder hoody shirt, black work
boots, and my I didn’t bother to comb my hair, because I was just hear to work
and not date cap on my head, pretty much my Janet Jackson “Pleasure Principle”
outfit. It was the usual, hi sexy, your cute, what do you do request from men
who could care less about me as a person and more about nailing me in the back
of there cars and that was all good for me, I mean who doesn’t like positive
reinforcement regardless where its coming from or their true intentions. Their
tacky lines got them a smile, a giggle, and O stop, which to me was an
appropriate form of payment for their efforts. Then I stumbled onto this guy. 6ft
tall, black, big guy, total not the kind of guy I would go for. He had dreads down to the middle of his back. He wasn’t goggle eyeing me or even really looking my
way so when he called me over I immediately assumed he was interested in the
show we were filming and not me. But he wasn’t, instead he said the most inappropriate
uncomfortable statement ever. He whispered in my ear “is all that in your pants
your” I immediately looked down, then up, and then around. Was this what was on
every guy mind out here, was everyone
looking at my crotch, I felt naked. Embarrassed!! Like I need to go home and
change and then and there my comfy outfit turned into a desperate call for all
me to flirt with my buff crotch!!! Awwww!! I just wanted to die, but in the
mist of my freak out, I could help but notice that he said such an obscene
comment but managed not to be rude or disgusting actually he smiled and said “I
was just curious”? his smile was quite charming. He asked me for my number and
I gave it to him. And this was the start of my now smitten love saga that has
me head over heels and crazy about Mr. Big.
Weeks followed we phone chatted, text, and conversed on
all sorts of random subjects. As our conversations grow deeper so did my interest in
this fascinating free spirited family guy. He was close to his family just like
I was. He had this sense of adventure and danger that struck my usually vey
careful, well thought out, never wanting to do anything that’s too out of the
box self. As we talked I grow more and
more interested.
Our first meet up…
I was overly nervous over meeting this guy again for the
first time since talking and getting to know each other I didn’t know what to
expect and since it was like 6 months since I’ve seen a man up close, I wasn’t
sure how I would act. I didn’t know where to meet him I mean I didn’t want him
to know where I lived or too much about my personal surroundings until I got to
know him better. We meet at this little café across the street from a sex shop
called expressions. We both pulled up at the same time. I got out my car he
stepped out his. Time to re-evaluate yeah he was still black, tall, and big.
Then he hugged me and he smelled heavenly. His hug was strong, and I almost
melted in his hands, I wondered if he noticed I collapsed a little he pulled
back. I scrambled to find something to talk about so I asked him questions I
already knew the answers to, he laughed and answered them again. He was the far
opposite from the stereotyped thug, drug dealer prison bird. He was a hard
worker, a well-spoken responsible black man, he had strong family values,
morals, and virtues. I was successful, driven, and a go-getter… he was
everything I wanted in a man… I was smitten at first sight, we never made it
into the café that night. Instead we just stood outside talking and laughing.
He had a sense of humor and he was irresistibly charming and witty. We got
touchy that night, his lips were like butter melting over my lips. Our kisses
were sensual and with every touch I felt like I was in outer space floating.
His hands were warm and strong as he held my shoulders, hips, thighs, it was
like he had a manual on me and knew exactly where all my erotic zones were, I
discovered zones I never knew I had. The straw that broke me was when he kissed
me on my neck, I swear I must have passed out. There was nothing keeping me
from sleeping with him then and there in that parking lot, I couldn’t control
myself except for the fact that I wasn’t use to being so free, and unreserved
with a stranger. Usually all my old flings whatever you’d like to call them
were friends, or friends of friends never someone met out at random. That’s a
first. I held my composure even though he tried. When we left each other that
night, I knew there was something special about him, I had to have him in all
my life I’ve never met someone like him. This night set the tone for our
explosive sexisodes to come…
The second
meeting…
We meet at
the Navy Pier. I wore a pink floral knee high fitted top and flair bottom dress;
he wore a pair of dark blue jean pants and a white polo shirt. When I got there
he was waiting for me by his car a 2012 black Lincoln MKS. His dreads were
pulled back he looked shape and clean just like I liked it. As I walked over to
him his cologne wavered in the wind the smell was invigorating and it drew me
straight into his arms. His embrace was all I needed for my stressful day to
just fade away. We walked along the pier holding hands, laughing, talking the
night was perfect. The sky was clear the stars were out it wasn’t too hot it wasn’t
too cold. We were out there for hour and then it hit me I wanted this man and I
wanted him tonight. He must off read it in my eyes, because at the very moment
I thought (he should kiss me right now) I felt his fingertips under my chin as
he guiding my face towards his. The kiss was surreal. We kissed for what felt like
an hour, but it was seconds. I pulled back and blush a little. He said “did I
do something wrong”, I said quickly “no!” you did everything right. I leaned
over and whispered in his ear let’s leave here meet me at my hotel the Peninsula
room 1202. As we walked back to our cars my heart raced at the thoughts that
were going through my head. His car was parked nearer to us. As we got closer
he pulled me in under his arms tighter as we walked hugging each other. We
reached his car first - he pulled me into his arms and gave me another breath
taking kiss. It was all over before I knew it I was my back flat on the back
car seat of his car, my dress was up, his shirt was off and all 6ft at least
265 pounds was over me kissing me in places that made me shake, his hands was
so powerful as they searched and explored my body. I couldn’t believe we were
doing this, here. My heart raced with excitement, the thrill, the shame, the
fantasy it was all so surreal. Then, he silenced my thoughts as this feeling of
euphoria took over and I felt this warm feeling of power and masculinity going
in and out of my body. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. I didn’t
know what to do. It was overwhelming. It was so intense! It felt like he was
releasing every desire, every want, and every erotic need into every stroke he
delivered. This went on for about an hour. As we stared into each other’s eyes and
I saw his intense passion and his every desire. He looked like he needed me as I
needed him. My body collapsed about two second before his body collapsed. We
just laid there in the heat of it all both speechless. After ever so long, I wasn’t
sure of the time, my name, hell I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to drive after
taking a drug like that. I said I had to go. I tried to pull myself together
the best I could. I grab my purse a shameful smile came to my face as I asked “Darrin
can you please pass my underwear” which was thrown behind him on the seat, he
kissed it and then handed it to me. I stuffed it in my purse as I made haste to
my car as lady-like as possible. As we both drove away, I had so many thoughts
in my head. OMG!!! That was freaking amazing, it felt so dam good, fuck would I
be wrong to call him first and say do you want to still come over… then I
thought OMG!!! What if he thinks I’m a complete slut I mean, no dinner, no
movies and bam we just got it in in the back of his car #sign he’s never going
to call me. I totally forgot the rules of engagements…
