Commitment

To be or not to be is the question.  This week my focus has been on commitment and what is its place in a relationship. When you meet someone you think you are in love with, or you think is the one you make a commitment to them…. Well lets back track… let us take this from the prospective of today’s society. When two people get together whether out of lust, love, or a facade they tend to say lets date, let’s go out, let’s be in a relationship…i.e. let’s commit to each other, but making a commitment can be a dangerous and serious matter depending the context of that commitment.  Commitments can change lives, make and break futures, hearts, and trust.

So let’s talk a little about the word commitment in terms of a relationship. Commitment binds you like a contract of the heart, mind, and soul. You vow never to hurt the other person physically, mental, and so on. You in essence marry that person without the ring, the vowels, and the church.  But many of us take this word and its meaning so lightly.

Some may ask, how can you be committed if you are not sure about the other person… and the truth is commitment is a personal choice, a vow, you may say that you make to yourself about your relationship. You can never base commitment on the other persons:  behavior, actions, or words. Let me explain that more…  Without you knowing what the other person is doing and thinking you have to make it up in your mind that you are going to be faithful, helpful, and kind to that person. You live your life committed to that person, and honor your commitment. Now that doesn’t mean that the other person has to live by the same code, and that’s the danger about commitment.

When someone is hurt because they found out that you are cheating on them, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t cheating on you! That only means that finding out that the person you love is with someone else hurts.  With that said you cannot judge if someone is being committed to you by their words, or their reaction to a hurtful situation, but by their actions over time consistently.

Just because they are not being committed doesn’t always mean that they don’t love you it just means that, they are not ready for that step in life within their selves.

The definition of commitment by dictionary terms is 1) the act of committing, 2) the state of being committed, 3) the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.

And when you say you are committed you must first understand the meaning of commit by dictionary terms: 1) to give in trust or charge; consign, 2) to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express one’s intention, feelings, etc.

So to wrap this up a commitment is something made to one’s self. You base it on if you are ready it’s a step a milestone in life one that when used in a relationship should be taken seriously. Hence why when you are just “dating”, you should explain to the other person the level of commitment you are able to give. When you are “engaged”, explain what has changed in your commitment (promise). And finally when you are “married”, you must be ready and explain your complete commitmen