Thursday, December 27, 2012
Ashanti - The Woman You Love (Featuring Busta Rhymes) (Video)
A few things about this video 1) why is Ashanti always packing and leaving. 2) He's fine (lol)
3) I love this song.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
That old cupid’s arrow
Sometimes you fall in love and loose site of yourself. Love
is blinding in the way that you could be doing wrong and refuse to do right.
You lead yourself astray to a fantasy land of make believe and romance. Songs
ringing in your ear you are smitten by cupid’s arrow and refuses to see
otherwise. Can I get a refill you sing, as the songs flow of your tongue to his
ear you realize you’ve lost control and instantly need rehab to pull you back
from thrusting yourself head first into this dark hole of the unknown!
Yet we know this is so wrong both feet of the floor we float
towards each other lust.love.passion. flows in the air I can’t restrain myself
from stripping myself of all my pride, immortal wisdom, and strength, I’ll be a
fool for you 22 hours a day. The other 2 I'm fighting my conscience
about right and wrong. This hold is so strong 24 is the number I was given the
amount of weeks we’ve breath each other’s air. Then just like the fantasy it is !puff!
It’s over and we carry on as if we’ve never met. Now those are the memories you
won’t forget. ;)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
What's he thinking on the first date???
1. "Does She Always Talk This
Much?"
It can't be repeated enough: Guys have a low threshold for mindless chatter. If you're rambling on about your friends, coworkers, or anything you read on a gossip site, he's gonna feign interest, then fake an emergency doctor's appointment. Stick to asking him about bigger-picture topics, such as music and movies he digs, or what his friends are like.
It can't be repeated enough: Guys have a low threshold for mindless chatter. If you're rambling on about your friends, coworkers, or anything you read on a gossip site, he's gonna feign interest, then fake an emergency doctor's appointment. Stick to asking him about bigger-picture topics, such as music and movies he digs, or what his friends are like.
2. "Can I Afford Her?"
Think twice before ordering a Patrón margarita. When you start with a pricey cocktail or appetizer, guys hear that ching-ching cash register sound in their heads — they think you're going to be too expensive to take out all the time. Unless he orders a fancy drink or dish first, stick with standard fare, and save the $$$ orders for when he's already smitten.
Think twice before ordering a Patrón margarita. When you start with a pricey cocktail or appetizer, guys hear that ching-ching cash register sound in their heads — they think you're going to be too expensive to take out all the time. Unless he orders a fancy drink or dish first, stick with standard fare, and save the $$$ orders for when he's already smitten.
3. "Is She Gonna Tweet About This?"
After a first date, guys worry that you'll go all Carrie Bradshaw on them — you'll critique their every word and move on Facebook, on your blog, or on the phone with your girlfriends. To assure him you're not simply gathering material for your next man-bashing girls' brunch, do not hate on their kind ("what is it with you men?"), do not pause mid-date to update your FB status (it will just make him think you're posting something about him), and, for the love of God, do not mention that you aspire to be a dating blogger one day.
After a first date, guys worry that you'll go all Carrie Bradshaw on them — you'll critique their every word and move on Facebook, on your blog, or on the phone with your girlfriends. To assure him you're not simply gathering material for your next man-bashing girls' brunch, do not hate on their kind ("what is it with you men?"), do not pause mid-date to update your FB status (it will just make him think you're posting something about him), and, for the love of God, do not mention that you aspire to be a dating blogger one day.
4. "Can I Bring Her Home to Mom?"
When guys first meet you, they picture you naked — you know this. But here's the kinda cute part: If they get a good vibe from you from the get-go, they're also picturing what their mom will think of you. To get Mother Approval right away, hold off on the F-bombs and plunging tops until the third or fourth date, when he already knows you're capable of at least pretending you're a perfect angel.
When guys first meet you, they picture you naked — you know this. But here's the kinda cute part: If they get a good vibe from you from the get-go, they're also picturing what their mom will think of you. To get Mother Approval right away, hold off on the F-bombs and plunging tops until the third or fourth date, when he already knows you're capable of at least pretending you're a perfect angel.
5. "Can She Hang With My
Buddies?"
Men want to date women who can chill with the guys. If you're critical of the food, mean to the waitress, or uptight in any way, he'll conclude that you might be a drag around his boys. Not only is it a turnoff, he'll get crap from them about it, and he doesn't want that. Be sure to show off your easygoing attitude so he'll know his pals will totally dig your presence.
Men want to date women who can chill with the guys. If you're critical of the food, mean to the waitress, or uptight in any way, he'll conclude that you might be a drag around his boys. Not only is it a turnoff, he'll get crap from them about it, and he doesn't want that. Be sure to show off your easygoing attitude so he'll know his pals will totally dig your presence.
Sex. Sex. Sex. Yeah, it's running through his mind even as he's asking where you grew up and the name of your favorite childhood pet. And while most men won't try to sleep with you on the first date — they know enough to play the respectful guy card — they are still looking for affirmation that you also feel some chemistry and won't hold off on hooking up down the road. So if you're feeling it, give him a subtle signal — like an upper-arm or wrist touch or a flirty smile. That way he knows you're on the same page ... and you're guaranteed a date number two.
Source
What to Bring on a Date?
1. First and
foremost you must have all of the necessary items for a date in reference to
cash. Bring your wallet (guys) or purse (girls) to ensure that anything that
needs to be purchased can be regardless of who is or isn't traditionally
supposed to pay.
2. Remember the
modern age of telecommunication that we live in demands that you bring your
cell phone with you everywhere in case of emergency, etc. As a courtesy, if you
do bring on a date your cell phone, turn it to silent or vibrate so the ring
doesn't interrupt you in the middle of a interesting conversation.
3. Like it or
not, folks you need to be prepared to bring condoms or other protective
materials on a date. Even if you don't believe it will happen it is still a
good idea to bring on a date just in case the mood and moment strikes the both
of you.
4. If you must,
or if it is just the type of person you are, bring a flower or something that
you know that shell will like. You don't have to bring on a date anything in
terms of a gift if you don't want to, but it may get you on the good side right
away.
5. For the love
of all things holy, bring the best possible version of you on a date. Nobody
wants to be with some pathetic loser that had a horrible day at work and
doesn't want to talk. Leave those things at home and have a good time, it is
probably exactly what you need!
6. Be prepared
to bring on a date a few things that will help you deal with whatever the
weather conditions may be at the time. An umbrella, heavy coat, or the like
will help you avoid looking your worst physically and acting your worst
mentally or emotionally.
7. Ensure that
if you are going somewhere that requires identification or tickets or the like
that you have those things prepared in advance. Nothing is worse than getting
to your destination and realizing you must go home first or, even worse, find
something else to do.
8. For both
parties in the date make sure that you (in your car or in your pocket, etc.)
have something to write with and something to write on. You will need to
arrange a second date or exchange numbers or something sometime on the date, so
be prepared to bring these things on a date.
9. When
thinking of things to bring on a date, don't forget about the personal things
like your trust and honesty. You can only trust someone so much right away, so
don't commit to too much too early, but at the same time be as honest as
possible. This would be much easier to not have to say this, but the truth is
the truth!
10. The final
thing to bring on a date? Honest and real expectations. Don't expect too much
physical contact, but don't expect nothing at all either. Understand that every
date is different and this could be the best of your life or the worst...just
go!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Is It True Love, or Pure Lust?
Q: I always seem to think I am in love, but when the
relationship is well underway, I realize it’s just lust. How can I tell the
difference before I am in too deep?
A: Ah, the age-old question. Is it love or is it lust?
There is no hard and fast way to tell if you are dating your soul mate or just
a cute guy, and that’s part of the fun of dating. After all, it’s all about the
exploration and excitement of unpeeling each new layer to get to the heart of whom
that person really is. But, at the same time, it can be a bit of a dangerous
game. As you say, it is not uncommon for people to get in too deep and suddenly
realize, “Oops, I don’t think he’s ‘the
one’ after all!”
A good way to make sure
that you don’t fall into this trap is to sit and think about what you really
want. Maybe the reason you aren’t meeting Mr. Right is because you are choosing
not to. In other words, you might just be in a dating phase in which you want
to sample the merchandise without making a lifetime commitment. That’s
completely normal, but you might find yourself getting serious because you
think that is what you are “supposed to” do. There are no “supposed to’s” in
life, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If you are in a lustful
fun
stage, embrace it! As long as you practice safer sex and respect your body
and your heart, this can be a good growing experience and help you uncover what
you need in a future partner.
If you are ready to
settle down and get serious, then you should think about what you are really
looking for in a partner. Think beyond the physical. Attraction is important,
but it’s often something that can’t be put down in black-and-white. For
instance, instead of saying, “He has to have a great body,” why not say “I want
someone who is physically active and takes care of himself.” (Word to the wise:
If you want to meet a guy who goes to the gym regularly that means you have to
get your butt to the gym, too!)
You should also think
beyond the superficial level. For instance, instead of thinking, “I want a man
who makes six figures,” why not “I want a man who is ambitious and knows how to
work hard.” At the end of the day, finances come and go, and in this economy,
anyone can go bust. But if you are with a man who has a good work ethic and
perseveres, then you won’t ever have to worry about paying the mortgage by
yourself. (Again, if you want a man with a good work ethic, you’d better show
some of that same initiative and drive as well! Like
attracts like.)
When you take the focus
off the obvious and look past the fleeting things in life (the six-pack abs and
the corner office), you’ll be able to ask yourself: Are you sure that you like the person? Is he going
to make you laugh at the end of a bad day? Is he going to take care of the kids
when they are sick or remember your favorite candy at the supermarket? It’s
often the little things that end up being the big things, and these are often
the traits that separate lust
from love. Remember, a great body will eventually age, but a great sense of
humor is ageless!
— Dr. Laura Berman
How do I discuss your sexual history with your partner
A: Many
women (and men) are afraid to discuss their sexual histories with their current
partners. For some people, their sexual past is filled with regret and
disappointment, particularly if it involved booze-fueled one-night stands or infidelity. This is especially true for women, who are more
likely to feel guilty about prior exploits. It is also more common for women to
feel judged and to be subject to the proverbial double standard. A woman with a
history is more likely to be looked down upon — and criticized — than a man.
Even though we live in a modern era and are well aware that women have the same
rights and desires as men, there is still a certain faction out there that
believes “nice girls” don’t have sex…at least not without commitment or even
marriage.
In reality, we know this isn’t true. Many women explore
their sexual desires and fantasies with a number of different partners, and this is
nothing to be ashamed of. Just as men have the right and the freedom to enjoy
their sexuality, so should women. As long as both parties are willing and as
long as safer-sex practices are employed, a rich sexual history can be
fulfilling. Indeed, the more experienced and uninhibited you are, the more
likely you will be in touch with your body and your own sexual response, which
means that your committed relationship can be that much better. No shyness and
fumbling in the dark for you two!
That being said, many couples can’t seem to get past the
issue of…the past. Even the most committed and loving partners might find
themselves fighting with ghosts of the past as they try to establish trust and
intimacy in the present. Since this is such a common issue and one that many
couples have discussed with me in therapy, I have established a few guidelines
that can help you and your partner navigate it with ease:
1. First, try to practice a form of “don’t ask, don’t tell”
when it comes to the number of sexual partners. You don’t need to know that
your man had 20 women before you, and he doesn’t need to know about the
threesome you had in Cancun. The only questions two people should ever ask
about sexual pasts are with regard to sexually transmitted infections; i.e.,
Have you ever had an STI? When is the last time you got tested? Questions such as
these have a role in safer-sex practices, but unnecessary details and in-depth
reminiscing are not required or advisable.
2. Second, if you have already broken the first rule, it’s
time for some immediate repair work. Don’t let it fester between you or become
a bone of contention that gets brought up every time you have a fight. Be
honest, upfront, and straightforward about the matter at hand, such as, “Yes, I
have had a number of partners. I am sorry that upsets you, but it is in the
past and I want to focus on the present with you. Is that something you can
do?” If your partner can’t get past your past, then he might not be the right
partner for you.
The same is true for you. If you don’t fully trust your partner because he used to be a player, then you
either need to move on or seek help from a therapist who can help you establish
healthy communication and trust. Until you put the past where it belongs, you
can never have a future with your partner, or anyone else for that matter.
— Dr. Laura Berman
Source
Friday, November 23, 2012
MSB pt4 - The Second Meeting
The second meeting…
We meet at the Navy Pier. I wore a pink floral knee high fitted top and flair bottom dress; he wore a pair of dark blue jean pants and a white polo shirt. When I got there he was waiting for me by his car a 2012 black Lincoln MKS. His dreads were pulled back he looked shape and clean just like I liked it. As I walked over to him his cologne wavered in the wind the smell was invigorating and it drew me straight into his arms. His embrace was all I needed for my stressful day to just fade away. We walked along the pier holding hands, laughing, talking the night was perfect. The sky was clear the stars were out it wasn’t too hot it wasn’t too cold. We were out there for hour and then it hit me I wanted this man and I wanted him tonight. He must off read it in my eyes, because at the very moment I thought (he should kiss me right now) I felt his fingertips under my chin as he guiding my face towards his. The kiss was surreal. We kissed for what felt like an hour, but it was seconds. I pulled back and blush a little. He said “did I do something wrong”, I said quickly “no!” you did everything right. I leaned over and whispered in his ear let’s leave here meet me at my hotel the Peninsula room 1202. As we walked back to our cars my heart raced at the thoughts that were going through my head. His car was parked nearer to us. As we got closer he pulled me in under his arms tighter as we walked hugging each other. We reached his car first - he pulled me into his arms and gave me another breath taking kiss. It was all over before I knew it I was my back flat on the back car seat of his car, my dress was up, his shirt was off and all 6ft at least 265 pounds was over me kissing me in places that made me shake, his hands was so powerful as they searched and explored my body. I couldn’t believe we were doing this, here. My heart raced with excitement, the thrill, the shame, the fantasy it was all so surreal. Then, he silenced my thoughts as this feeling of euphoria took over and I felt this warm feeling of power and masculinity going in and out of my body. It was a feeling I had never experienced before. I didn’t know what to do. It was overwhelming. It was so intense! It felt like he was releasing every desire, every want, and every erotic need into every stroke he delivered. This went on for about an hour. As we stared into each other’s eyes and I saw his intense passion and his every desire. He looked like he needed me as I needed him. My body collapsed about two second before his body collapsed. We just laid there in the heat of it all both speechless. After ever so long, I wasn’t sure of the time, my name, hell I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to drive after taking a drug like that. I said I had to go. I tried to pull myself together the best I could. I grab my purse a shameful smile came to my face as I asked “Darrin can you please pass my underwear” which was thrown behind him on the seat, he kissed it and then handed it to me. I stuffed it in my purse as I made haste to my car as lady-like as possible. As we both drove away, I had so many thoughts in my head. OMG!!! That was freaking amazing, it felt so dam good, fuck would I be wrong to call him first and say do you want to still come over… then I thought OMG!!! What if he thinks I’m a complete slut I mean, no dinner, no movies and bam we just got it in in the back of his car #sign he’s never going to call me. I totally forgot the rules of engagements…
MSB pt3- Our First meet up...
Our first meet up…
I was overly
nervous over meeting this guy again for the first time since talking and
getting to know each other I didn’t know what to expect and since it was like 6
months since I’ve seen a man up close, I wasn’t sure how I would act. I didn’t
know where to meet him I mean I didn’t want him to know where I lived or too
much about my personal surroundings until I got to know him better. We meet at
this little café across the street from a sex shop called expressions. We both
pulled up at the same time. I got out my car he stepped out his. Time to
re-evaluate yeah he was still black, tall, and big. Then he hugged me and he
smelled heavenly. His hug was strong, and I almost melted in his hands, I
wondered if he noticed I collapsed a little he pulled back. I scrambled to find
something to talk about so I asked him questions I already knew the answers to,
he laughed and answered them again. He was the far opposite from the
stereotyped thug, drug dealer prison bird. He was a hard worker, a well-spoken
responsible black man, he had strong family values, morals, and virtues. I was
successful, driven, and a go-getter… he was everything I wanted in a man… I was
smitten at first sight, we never made it into the café that night. Instead we
just stood outside talking and laughing. He had a sense of humor and he was
irresistibly charming and witty. We got touchy that night, his lips were like
butter melting over my lips. Our kisses were sensual and with every touch I
felt like I was in outer space floating. His hands were warm and strong as he
held my shoulders, hips, thighs, it was like he had a manual on me and knew
exactly where all my erotic zones were, I discovered zones I never knew I had.
The straw that broke me was when he kissed me on my neck, I swear I must have
passed out. There was nothing keeping me from sleeping with him then and there
in that parking lot, I couldn’t control myself except for the fact that I wasn’t
use to being so free, and unreserved with a stranger. Usually all my old flings
whatever you’d like to call them were friends, or friends of friends never
someone met out at random. That’s a first. I held my composure even though he
tried. When we left each other that night, I knew there was something special
about him, I had to have him in all my life I’ve never met someone like him.
This night set the tone for our explosive sexisodes to come…
MSB pt2 - Mr. Big
Mr. Big
So newly single,
fresh of the train, I was working at an event for one of my clients in. Hot
summer day, in Chicago heated yet slightly windy city. I had on my black
tights, comfy off the shoulder hoody shirt, black work boots, and my I didn’t
bother to comb my hair, because I was just hear to work and not date cap on my
head, pretty much my Janet Jackson “Pleasure Principle “outfit. It was the
usual, hi sexy, your cute, what do you do request from men who could care less
about me as a person and more about nailing me in the back of their cars and
that was all good for me, I mean who doesn’t like positive reinforcement
regardless where its coming from or their true intentions. Their tacky lines
got them a smile, a giggle, and O stop, which to me was an appropriate form of
payment for their efforts. Then I stumbled onto this guy. 6ft tall, black, big
guy, total not the kind of guy I would go for. He had dreads down to the middle
of his back. He wasn’t goggle eyeing me or even really looking my way so when
he called me over I immediately assumed he was interested in the show we were
filming and not me. But he wasn’t, instead he said the most inappropriate
uncomfortable statement ever. He whispered in my ear “is all that in your pants
your” I immediately looked down, then up, and then around. Was what was on
every guy mind out here, was everyone looking at my crotch, I felt naked.
Embarrassed!! Like I need to go home and change and then and there my comfy
outfit turned into a desperate call for all me to flirt with my buff crotch!!!
Awwww!! I just wanted to die, but in the mist of my freak out, I could help but
notice that he said such an obscene comment but managed not to be rude or
disgusting actually he smiled and said “I was just curious”? His smile was
quite charming. He asked me for my number and I gave it to him. And this was
the start of my now smitten love saga that has me head over heels and crazy
about Mr. Big.
Weeks followed we
phone chatted, text, and conversed on all sorts of random subjects. As our
conversations grow deeper so did my interest in this fascinating free spirited family guy. He was
close to his family just like I was. He had this sense of adventure and danger
that struck my usually very careful, well thought out, never wanting to do
anything that’s too out of the box self. As we talked I grow more and more
interested.
MSB pt1 - Intro
Intro...
So as I embrace my
singleness and free spirited newly reformed life, I decided to hop on my own
journey of many shade of black as I keenly decided to name this series of a
single woman love adventures. Well maybe I should start by introducing myself
my name is Mattie and I’m a Public Relations Professional that works for myself
at What Matters PR. Now 35 years old this is the first time I’ve ever been
single… well not attached to someone else as I like to call it. I walked out of
a 13 year marriage, 1 because we cheated, 2 because he had a child not with me,
and 3 because he wasn’t the one for me and we both knew it we were just scared
to leave each other after all we were middle school sweethearts who grow
together. Our families we like one, our friends were one in the same, I mean
every inch of our lives were intertwined in some shape or form. We were
extremely comfortable we owned property together, stocks, bonds, he was truly
my best friend, but we were more like best friends than husband and wife. Our
daily route was just that things we felt we should do simply because you
ought-to. None of us had the balls to live each other, what would our family
say, I mean we had other couples modeling their relationships of off our
“perfect” union. We communicated extremely well I could almost finish his
sentences. He was a beauty to the eyes, gorgeous 5ft 9 caramel greenish gray eyes
chiseled body, just perfect physically in every way. He was a heartthrob and we
were a beautiful couple. What can I say, there was still something missing. But
the world of dating wasn’t new to him or me since we’ve cheated on each other
the last 6 years of our marriage, I can say I’ve had my share of relationships
and I was truly not new to the man eat woman game of life. Except for the fact
that men never really mattered much to me because they were all temporary
fills, or simpler put they were for my enjoyment only, after all I was taken!
So, now that I’m
single I promised myself that I would not settle for less than what was perfect
for me. And the next time I get married if ever it will be for all the right
reasons. Dam it if I’m going to do it again I’m going to do it right.
Ok now back to the
world of Many Shade of Black a single woman dating adventure series…
uncensored… nonjudgmental… and simply just my life my opinions.
Have you lost your Ex and want her back well…
If you're still in love with your ex and tried to fix your relationship,
seeing her run off and date someone else can really sting. If you still want
her back you must first get past the fact that she's with another guy, and then
move toward creating a scenario in which your ex will want you again. These two
things take time and effort, and unfortunately it's not going to happen
overnight. But if you're dedicated to one day dating your ex-girlfriend again?
The following guidelines will help you get started.
Accept Her New Relationship - Nothing and I mean absolutely nothing you can say
right now is going to change your ex-girlfriend's mind about her new man. She's
going to date him despite your best efforts to tell her not to. Even worse,
every word you say trying to convince her otherwise is going to drive the wedge
between the two of you deeper and deeper. This will make things harder later
on, when you're trying to win back your girlfriend. By accepting the fact that
she's moved on, you're letting her know that you're not going to interfere with
her life. This will eventually allow her to trust you again: an important part
of getting back together.
Understand That She's Rebounding - If your ex starts dating another guy within a few
weeks after you've broken up, chances are she's involved in a rebound
relationship. This is actually good. It means that she's never really had the
time alone to resolve your own relationship in her head, so feelings for you
are probably still rattling around in there. During the initial phases of her
new romance (the honeymoon stage) she honestly won't think of you much. But as
time goes on, your ex will miss you again - especially if you follow the next
rule and disappear for a while.
Drop Out of Your Ex-Girlfriend's Sight - During the beginning stages of her
new relationship, there's nothing for you to do but wait. Instead of sitting
around in plain sight or desperately clinging to your ex-girlfriend "as a
friend", the best thing to do is completely vanish from her view. Don't
lock the door to your house and feel sorry for yourself; go out and see
friends, pick up old hobbies, hit the gym, and do things to get your mind off
the situation. Just be sure to turn off your phone, disconnect from the
internet, and don't answer any of your ex-girlfriend's calls, emails, or
text-messages. And if she doesn't call? That's normal too. Because right now
she's involved with a new guy and although she's preoccupied it's very possible
that her rebound relationship won't last. When that happens, she'll be looking
around for you. Being scarce will help your cause when you finally do
reconnect.
Befriend Your Ex - Eventually, enough time will pass that your ex will
seek you out. If not, there are also ways of reestablishing a connection with
her without her realizing that you did it. When you do talk again, it may be
through email or text message (to avoid her new boyfriend finding out). That's
okay, keep things cool and casual. Making your ex comfortable right now will go
miles and miles toward getting her back into your inner circle. Getting close
to your ex again is required if you're going to get her back.
Build Neutral Trust With Her - The conversations you have with your ex-girlfriend
will begin as innocent small talk, but will eventually progress into each of
you talking about your lives in more detail. She'll mention her new boyfriend
and you'll need to do one thing: never, ever say anything bad about him. Do
that just once and your ex might never talk about her life again, which isn't
what you want. If she wants to praise him? Let her. If she wants to bitch about
her ex? Let her do that too. Don't agree with her, just be there as a neutral
forum for her to bounce her thoughts off of. Over time, you'll start to see cracks
in her armor... holes in her new relationship. Knowing what these are will help
you later on, when you're meeting up with your ex to talk about things.
Search The Past For That Original Spark - What's the biggest advantage you
have in trying to win back your ex-girlfriend? Your past history together.
Somewhere back there are some very bright sparks that once ignited the
relationship you once had. Search through the ruins of your broken romance and
find them. Then, as casually as possible, begin planting these sparks as seeds
back into the soil of this new friendship you've developed with your ex. Don't
go overboard, and don't go too fast. Be very conscious of how she reacts to you
talking about old times. However, if you can hit on the right moments? She's
going to think long and hard about those great times together. Way after she
hangs up with you, she'll start thinking back to all the incredible experiences
the two of you shared - and these are things she can continue to share with
only one person - you.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Sex and Health
1. Less Stress, Better Blood Pressure
Having
sex could lower your stress, and your blood pressure.
That
finding comes from a Scottish study of 24 women and 22 men who kept records of
their sexual activity. The researchers put them in stressful situations, such
as speaking in public and doing math out loud, and checked their blood
pressure.
People
who had had intercourse responded better to stress than those who engaged in
other sexual behaviors or abstained.
Another
study published in the same journal found that diastolic blood pressure (the
bottom number of your blood pressure) tends to be lower in people who live
together and often have sex. And yet another study found that women who get
lots of hugs from their partner tend to have better blood pressure.
2. Sex Boosts Immunity
Having
sex once or twice a week has been linked with higher levels of an antibody
called immunoglobulin A or IgA, which can protect you from getting colds and
other infections.
So
say scientists at Wilkes University in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. They studied 112
college students who kept records of how often they had sex and also provided
saliva samples for the study. Those who had sex once or twice a week had higher
levels of IgA, an antibody that could help you avoid a cold or other infections,
than other students.
3. Sex Burns Calories
Thirty
minutes of sex burns 85 calories or more. It may not sound like much, but it
adds up: 42 half-hour sessions will burn 3,570 calories, more than enough to
lose a pound. Doubling up, you could drop that pound in 21 hour-long sessions.
"Sex
is a great mode of exercise," says Patti Britton, PhD, a Los Angeles
sexologist. It takes work, from both a physical and psychological perspective,
to do it well, she says.
4. Sex Improves Heart Health
Having sex
may be good for your heart. A 20-year-long British study shows that men who had
sex twice or more a week were half as likely to have a fatal heart attack than
men who had sex less than once a month.
And
although some older folks may worry that the sex could cause a stroke, that
study found no link between how often men had sex and how likely they were to
have a stroke.
5. Better Self-Esteem
Boosting
self-esteem was one of 237 reasons people have sex, collected by University of
Texas researchers and published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
That
finding makes sense to Gina Ogden, PhD, a sex therapist and marriage and family
therapist in Cambridge, Mass., although she finds that those who already have
self-esteem say they sometimes have sex to feel even better.
"One
of the reasons people say they have sex is to feel good about themselves,"
she says. "Great sex begins with self-esteem. ... If the sex is loving,
connected, and what you want, it raises it."
Of
course, you don't have to have lots of sex to feel good about yourself. Your
self-esteem is all about you -- not someone else. But if you're already feeling
good about yourself, a great sex life may help you feel even better.
6. Deeper Intimacy
Having
sex and orgasms boosts levels of the hormone oxytocin, the so-called love
hormone, which helps people bond and build trust.
In a
study of 59 women, researchers checked their oxytocin levels before and after
the women hugged their partners. The women had higher oxytocin levels if they
had more of that physical contact with their partner.
Higher
oxytocin levels have also been linked with a feeling of generosity. So snuggle
up -- it might help you feel more generous toward your partner.
7. Sex May Turn Down Pain
Here's
another thing the love hormone, oxytocin, does: It boosts your body's
painkillers, called endorphins. So if your headache, arthritis pain, or PMS
symptoms seem to improve after sex, that may be why.
In
one study, 48 people inhaled oxytocin vapor and then had their fingers pricked.
The oxytocin cut their pain threshold by more than half.
8. More Ejaculations May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely
Frequent
ejaculations, especially in 20-something men, may lower the risk of getting
prostate cancer later in life, some research shows.
For
instance, a study published in the Journal of the American Medical
Association, found that men who had 21 or more ejaculations a month, were
less likely to get prostate cancer than those who had four to seven
ejaculations per month.
Of
course, that study doesn't prove that ejaculations were the only factor that
mattered. Many things affect a person's odds of developing cancer. The
researchers did take that into consideration, and the findings still held.
9. Stronger Pelvic Floor Muscles
For
women, doing pelvic floor muscle exercises called Kegels may mean will enjoy
more pleasure -- and, as a perk, less chance of incontinence later in life.
To do a
basic Kegel exercise, tighten the muscles of your pelvic floor, as if you're
trying to stop the flow of urine. Count to three, then release.
10. Better Sleep
The
oxytocin released during orgasm also promotes sleep, research shows.
Getting
enough sleep has also been linked with a host of other health perks, such as a
healthy weight and better blood pressure. Something to think about, especially
if you've been wondering why your guy can be active one minute and snoring the
next.
Best Zodiac Signs to Have Sex With
Aries
Aries has a powerful and magnetic
personality and because they love to take control, they make great kissers.
Aries is enormously sexual for a very short period of time—you might say
they’re flash-in-the-pan lovers.
They’re impatient, sometimes-selfish
lovemaking can cause relationship problems. However, if you catch him or her
when flames of desire are burning high, no other lover will provide such fiery
passion for those few moments.
To seduce Aries, don’t be shy. Show
that you have a brain. Always be spontaneous, too, since nothing excites an
Aries like unpredictability, and don’t hold back on compliments.
Taurus
This is the most masculine of
signs, which fuels its enormous sex drive. Which zodiac sign is the best lover?
It might just be this one. Their appetite for intimacy seems insatiable and they
need lots of physical touch; no rushing with this sign. To them, good love is
like good food—worth taking some time to enjoy. They also have beautiful
voices.
To seduce Taurus, give lots of
presents and take advantage of their sensuality by always smelling good and
having soft skin and a fresh minty mouth.
Gemini
Which zodiac sign is the best
lover? If you like smart people, try Gemini. To get anywhere with Gemini, you
need to be intelligent and witty. They are flirtation masters and can sweep you
off your feet with a single touch.
Gemini’s mental capacity makes for
a creative lover, so you’ll never get bored. Make sure your Gemini doesn’t get
bored with you either, because they need constant change and excitement.
Without it they can become tactless toward you.
To seduce Gemini, flatter them and
focus on their mind. Subtly compliment their smarts, ask their advice, and
don’t forget to play up your own intelligence.
Cancer
This is the most emotional and
sensitive of signs. They need soft, loving touch, a deep emotional bond, and a
partner who is caring and committed to doing good deeds. They make sweet and
nurturing lovers, but if you break their trust they stop at nothing to get
revenge.
To seduce Cancer, focus on romantic
atmosphere and sentimentality. They enjoy being taken care of, so feeding and
protecting them works wonders.
Leo
For most people, this is which
zodiac sign, which is the best lover. They constantly burn with a fiery passion
and are sexually confident and powerful. They take charge in bed and explore
sexual pleasures with dramatic, large-scale flair.
They constantly shower their lovers
with gifts and attention. Seducing a Leo is fairly simple; they need continuous
personal attention. To get on their soft side, try playing with their luxurious
hair.
Virgo
If you are ready to be someone’s
entire world, no other lover will give you such personal attention. They seem
cool and calm on the surface but they are enormously sensual underneath.
However, they are not everyone’s
ideal of the zodiac sign, which is the best lover. Virgo becomes obsessed with
one person and although their perfectionism means that life will not always be
pleasant, you can be sure they fall in love for life.
To seduce Virgo, be as clean and
neat and perfect as possible. They are extremely picky.
Libra
As a people pleaser, Libra makes a
very attentive and affectionate lover. They are full of sentimental romantic
notions, so be patient with them and try to fulfill their fantasies. Since
Libra is a natural flirt, they like to try fun experiments in bed.
To seduce Libra, give them good
old-fashioned high-class romance. You need to be sophisticated, suave, and
smooth. Since Libra is naturally attractive, it shouldn’t be hard to show them
a good time with style.
Scorpio
Scorpio is the most sexual of all
the signs. For many people this makes them the zodiac sign, which is the best
lover. Others may feel manipulated or used for sex, as Scorpio sometimes will
do.
They have magnetic, irresistible
personalities and make fantastic lovers in the physical sense, but sometimes
they come off as emotionally distant.
Seducing Scorpio is notoriously
difficult, because with their animal charm and manipulative powers they are the
ones that usually do the seducing.
Sagittarius
This sign is playful and childlike,
and as a lover they will always be creative. They stay young at heart, so they
are very open-minded when it comes to experiments in bed. Their split
personality means that they can be wildly passionate about someone for a while,
then all of a sudden get the urge to move on to other adventures.
They do not have much staying power
in a relationship. If all you are looking for is a fun fling, this could be the
zodiac sign, which is the best lover for you.
To seduce Sagittarius, focus on the
waist, hip and upper leg area, where they love to be touched. Also show a lighthearted
approach to life and a great sense of humor, both of which they love.
Capricorn
The Capricorn is more reserved and
needs to be deeply in love to consider physical intimacy. They do not tend to
be open to adventurous experiments but on the plus side, they are steady and
constant with their life partner.
To seduce a Capricorn, work hard
and move slow. Focus on small touches and lingering looks and don’t give them
everything right away. The gradual buildup will give you an extraordinary
explosion.
Aquarius
This sign loves you for your body
and doesn’t really care if a relationship exists before they have sex with you.
They are all about wild physical passion and unpredictable romance. Their
rebellious nature means that the more quirks you have, the better they’ll love
you.
For a warm body and a fiery
passion, this zodiac sign is the best lover. To seduce Aquarius, play hard to
get.
Pisces
Pisces offers a loving physical
relationship full of pleasure and satisfaction. They are extremely laid back
and easygoing and just want a steady, happy partner. Once they find that kind
of love, they will gladly solve every problem with make-up sex.
To seduce a Pisces, be aggressive.
They are naturally lazy and don’t like much of a chase, so you’ll have to bring
the chase to them.
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